Herman Hesse

Siddhartha] had begun to feel that the love of his father and mother, and also the love of his friend Govinda, would not always make him happy, give him peace, satisfy and suffice him. He had begun to suspect that his worthy father and his other teachers, the wise Brahmins, had already passed on to him the bulk and best of their wisdom [but] his soul was not at peace.

Chapter1, Page3

After a long time, I felt the need to read. To read nonstop. It was a small book, "Siddhartha" by Herman Hesse. I was recommended this book way back in 2005 or 2006. It took a good 5 years to get to it. The book is about the spiritual experience of Siddhartha I think the book is an experience. To start with, the writing is beautiful. It flows, and leaves you with a solace after every page, every line almost. Some of the verses are for keeps. Like,

"Slowly, like moisture entering the dying tree trunk...so did the world and inertia creep into Siddhartha's soul; it slowly filled his soul, made it heavy, made it tired, sent it to sleep. But on the other hand his senses became more awakened, they learned a great deal, experienced a great deal"

There is a lot to this book. Surpasses human emotions or those that I was aware of till now.It helps unwind from a lot that we have accumulated in the name of "growth" and "education". It brings back a wee-bit of the child like enthusiasm that is somewhere down there. And the element of friendship between Govinda and Siddhartha was brought out beautifully I thought. Before I go totally off, I shall sign out and dwell in the after thoughts of the book.

PS: This blog is dedicated to one of my dearest friends.

Random thoughts

However good or bad certain things can only be negative like,

Holding on to the Past - However beautiful or traumatic your past has been, at some point you need to let go in order to grow

Influence - This is a quote from Oscar wilde's "Picture of Dorian Gray". Influence can never be good. Either good or bad, when you are trying to influence someone, you are in a big way obstructing his personality.

And finally

Addiction - Even intellectualism and prayer, when it becomes an addiction, is no good.

Yikes Yeti!!!

Ok, so both our lab and the hallway outside it, is extremely quite. And long. So different from my previous lab. My previous lab was somewhat like a noisy classroom. People constantly walking in and out, lab drama developing and progressing every second. It is just natural that here, without all that I am going a little crazy. Also my brain needs constant entertainment. So whenever I walk out of the lab, into the corridor to shovel ice (Not like out of the drive-way or from the door, but into a small tub to keep enzymes from degrading). I usually imagine a big huge Yeti man (yes, the Yeti man similar to the one from F.R.I.E.N.D.S) walking and charging towards us. My brain everyday pictures different people and different reactions, and my reaction. And always I react the best. I practice this well, in case he really comes. Everyday the Yeti man is coming - charging. Sometimes these visuals get extremely intense, depending on how long I have to wait for the ice to fill in. On one such intense drifting off situation, one of my dear colleagues came all sweaty and asked "Did you see the yeti man?"

"Oh my God, did you see him too? I see him everyday"!! Spontaneous high pitched answer from me. She stares. You weird brown woman look. Me realizes. "What did you say?". She repeats, "I said - did you see the MAIL Man today?". Shakes her head and leaves. the only saving grace is that I did not say the word "Yeti".

Chemical imbalance in my brain I am sure. The mental health practitioner in my sister says as long as you can differentiate them as visuals you are ok. I have immense faith in her.

Corn Field

Every year till now there have been hard days working at the corn fields. I love working in the fields, though it IS hard work and there is always the risk of seeing a snake. Its a great break from the cold silent lab and the continuous thinking/calculating process and lab drama. Field work usually consists of corn pollinating, bagging, picking, inoculating etc etc in hot blazing sun. You need to be dressed in work pants/shorts carry a lot water and not be a dainty darling. But it pays off. Its usually refreshing and the grouchy grumpy mood swings amongst co-workers is way less. The last comes the best part, harvesting. With hands on experience in the field I can now easily understand why every culture and country have some sort of harvest festival. The feeling is amazing (Even though we are harvesting infesting - hybrid - mutated research corn). Its so much fun to see full-full ears of golden-yellow corn. Every year the department of agriculture decides on a day stating that after that the nights are going to get too cold to keep the corn. And so we harvest. The whole lab including professors, neighboring labs, neighboring schools are there and there is always a tiny party while harvesting. And then tractor rides. And then cold beer under the sun along with chips and salsa. If you are no beer drinker, then you go find some pond water.

But it also makes me a tad sad. While driving back I start noticing the trees developing a rusty shade. Soon they will be just trunk and sticks. The nights are getting cooler and the "shorts, flip-flops, tank tops, shades" days are almost over. We will see less and less of those self -timed sprinklers or daisies on the patio, or home grown tomatoes.

Today we did our final corn harvesting and the routine I spoke about. It ends all the breaks we had from the lab and also ends sample collection times. The next six months will just be focusing in the lab and not running out of sample. It will also get cold, depressing, dark and green-less.We can still find alternatives like white sleet of snow or a hot chocolate milk to talk about, but thats where we stand now. I am sad the summer is almost over. A toast to a beautiful summer, plentiful sunshine, lots of rain and a wonderful harvest.

If

Just like that...inspired by nan!

If I were a season, I would be Spring
- If I were a month, I would be April
- If I were a day of the week, I would be Saturday
- If I were a time of day, I would be early morning
- If I were a planet, I would be Jupiter
- If I were a direction, I would be going west
- If I were a tree, I would be a Banyan tree
- If I were a flower, I would be Tea Roses
- If I were a fruit, I would be grapes
- If I were a land animal, I would be a Cheetah
- If I were a sea animal, I would be a Dolphin
- If I were a bird, I would be a falcon
- If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a wooden patio swing
- If I were a liquid, I would be spring water
- If I were a stone, I would be an aquamarine
- If I were a kind of weather, I would be bright and sunny
- If I were a musical instrument, I would be veena
- If I were a color, I would be red
- If I were a facial expression, I would be a smile
- If I were an emotion, I would be euphoria
- If I were a sound, I would be the rustle of leaves
- If I were an element, I would be mercury
- If I were a car, I would be a red BMW Z4
- If I were a food, I would curd rice
- If I were a place, I would be home
- If I were a flavor, I would be white chocolate
- If I were a scent, I would be the smell of wet Vibuthi(Ash) that comes from Grandma
- If I were an object, I would be a pen
- If I were a body part, I would be the calf muscle
- If I were a song, I would be "the Piano man"

In addition to that...

- If I were a Book, I would be "Seagulls" by Johnathan Livingston

What about you?

Peepli Live

Peepli live was an unexpected surprise. After long awaited - disappointing tamil and hindi movies, I would rate Peepli live - excellent. From the colours, to the right co-ordination of music, to the ease at which humour was used, the movie is just great. A subtle satirical humour ran through the movie and the message was well conveyed. Succint to suit our taste! A class apart...

Invictus

Tuberculosis of the bone is called Pott's disease. Tuberculosis in general is a bacterial infection, cause by Mycobacterium tuberculosis. Primarily attacking the lungs. An extra-pulmonary form of tuberculosis is the Pott's disease. Spreading to the spine, slowly eating up the vertebral column. William Ernest Henley suffered from this when he was 12, and from a relapse when he was 25, affecting his lower leg leading to amputation of the leg. He wrote "Invictus" or "The unconquered" from his hospital bed. The last four lines of the poem always strike me hard, and send me into a trance. The poem, easily understood as his fight against the growing tubercle, has a hint of stoicism - prevalent amongst the 1800s working class Victorians. A patient resignation to life prevailed, "What God gives, He takes away", and William Henley questioned this. It is hard to break the barriers of life and let out THAT free spirit. Even if we try, can we succeed? Even if we do succeed - is it OUR doing?

I will let you read the poem.
PS: Pay attention to the last four lines.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.